Thanks for reaching out to us for help. From what you have said there are a few coincidences and/or issues there that you probably need to resolve. You said you and your partner had discussed separation prior to you catching her peering through the gap between the kids door and its door jam, as she held her phone camera up to eye height in hope that she would catch you disciplining the kids at her request.
If it were me I would be waiting for a time when the kids are not home and/or in bed asleep so I could get a straight answer about, if not what she was doing behind the door, then separating. The discussion could take place at home or at the offices of a professional mediator like relationships Australia. As hard as it might be, even if you’re still willing to make the relationship work, staying together might just be an impossible task. Particularly if she’s already thinking about ways to set you up in order to gain the majority share of custody of the kids.
In short, you need to consider whether someone that is prepared to set you up in that calculated and divisive way and/or let it go unexplained, really is someone you can trust and spend the rest of your life with. Just imagine where you would be now if your daughter didn’t catch her out and she had gained video of you smacking the kids. Only you and her know the answer to that question/consideration.
If she really was trying to photograph you disciplining the kids at her request then that tells you just how far down the road she already is when it comes to separation and splitting up all your possessions; kids included. That’s why you need to know whether or not you’re separating and just haven’t been told it yet.
Remember, if the police and/or child services were to be shown a video of a parent smacking their kids then, regardless of how much she may have set it up, that could be grounds for both criminal charges and all access to the kids being suspended. So, bear that in mind as it serves as a major advantage to any application for parenting orders within the federal circuit court she may make at the same time.
And if that were to happen it wouldn’t be the first time I had heard of a spouse using a domestic abuse and/or other potentially criminal claim to bolster their federal circuit court application and gain full control of the kids.
Hope that helps. If you have any other questions don’t hesitate to post.