November 6, 2020 at 9:27 am #179Dasya SinghParticipant
I am new here and was wondering if anyone can help me.
About a week ago my wife and I were having a discussion about finances and so forth and things got a bit heated and we started swearing at each other. After about an hour we both calmed down and went to bed. The next morning I went to work without seeing my wife in the morning and expected I would see her after work and make up.
After work, when I got home no-one was there so I had a shower and then halfway through my shower I heard the doorbell. I wrapped a towel around me and went to the door thinking it was my wife and kids.
The police were at the door and they said they had come because of the domestic abuse.
I was completely staggered by this because I don’t think I abused anyone and if any abuse did happen then both me and my wife were both guilty of it.
The police said they didn’t necessarily believe my wife’s story but that they had to do their job. They then took me down to the police station where I was told that they were going to apply for an intervention order against me on behalf of my wife.
After about 2 hours they gave me some documents that said I had to turn up to a local magistrates court in a few days in relation to the intervention order, and drove me home. When I got home no-one was there so I didn’t know where my kids where and I started to worry about that.
I didn’t know it at the time but my wife had taken the kids to a refuge and they were all staying there. I am still in shock that my wife did this because all we did was argue on the night in question and we both gave as good as what we got.
On the day in court my wife was not there and the magistrate believed what she had told the police as a result of that I was not allowed to go back to my home. My wife claimed that she had been abused for years and that I had previously hit her when none of it is true.
I know have an interim order against me that prevents me from going to my home, seeing my kids, and getting anywhere near my wife. I used to run my business from home so I have not been able to properly work for the last 3 weeks since this has happened and I have not spoken to my kids since this all happened either.
This whole experience has really impacted me in every way. I never thought my wife would do this to me and I am a bit lost as what is the best thing to do.
I would appreciate any advice you can give.
November 7, 2020 at 6:03 am #180Bradley LehParticipant
I had a similar thing happen to me 5 years ago and it created a nightmare that went on for several years.
I’m no expert but I would suggest finding a good lawyer if you can afford one, and doing so before she files an application in the Federal Circuit Court for sole parental rights.
November 7, 2020 at 6:09 am #181Jake PetersonParticipant
The system needs a complete overhaul.
It’s just too easy for a spouse to make a domestic abuse claim and then from there alienate the kids, secure the house for herself, successfully go for full custody, and destroy/impoverish her X.
I’m not holding my breath that it will change too much anytime soon.
Sorry to hear about your concerns Dasya.
November 8, 2020 at 12:39 am #192David SaintParticipant
If I were you (Dasya) I would try and file my own protection order application against her and also apply to amend the existing orders so you can attend your house and obtain all the stuff you need to run your business.
November 8, 2020 at 5:21 am #202Felix SpencherKeymaster
Welcome to the forum.
I am assuming that you’re in Victoria since you’re using the terminology of “intervention orders”.
I’m going to summarize my response to you in order to keep things simple.
Feel free to ask more questions if you need to.
As you probably know the odds are stacked against most men that are defendant’s to protection order matters and/or respondents to FCC applications that their ex-wives/partner’s file.
In order for her to ratify/retain the existing almost exclusive care arrangement she currently has with the children she will have to apply to the Federal Circuit Court for parenting orders. So just be aware of that, as many spouses use protection order applications to bolster their Federal Circuit Court applications.
Given the plethora of free advice/support that’s out there for women these days the safe bet is that she is aware of this and (at least) considering it.
You may want to consider proactively filing your own Federal Circuit Court application for parenting orders at the Federal Circuit Court, so that way you’re the applicant rather than the defendant.
Also, if, as you say, she was behaving abusively as well on the night in question, you may want to consider filing your own protection order application against her. This can sometimes, for want of a better explanation, even up the “ledger” and prevent her from being seen (including at the Federal Circuit Court) as the only person that is the aggrieved.
I sense you’re concerned about your children and alienation and that is perfectly reasonable. Because it takes so long for these matters – regardless of their jurisdiction – to reach a final conclusion, it means that the process itself facilitates alienation.
Aside from filing your own Federal Circuit Court application as soon as possible and requesting parenting orders right off the bat that provide for more time with the kids; there’s no easy answer to that one I am afraid, as at the end of the day the only thing that really matters is the trial and the decision the court hands down within/after it.
All the other court/legal processes are really fluff compared to the trial.
My final advice to you would be to get good legal representation if you can afford it. Don’t just get any lawyer make sure you get one that understands both, the disadvantage men are at in the family/other courts, and also your case from a father’s/men’s right perspective.
November 8, 2020 at 5:25 am #203Felix SpencherKeymaster
Bradley, Jake, and David, thanks for chiming in.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.