March 30, 2021 at 7:04 am #350Johnathon BanksParticipant
If anyone can help me please do so.
Came home today after work and the police were at my home and my Mrs. had the kids and all their things packed up in our SUV ready to go to stay at what I was told was going to be a woman’s refuge.
Even though they’re going to a woman’s refuge (god knows what for because the only person that loses their temper in our relationship is the mother) I am not allowed to live in my own home because the police took out a protection order against me on her behalf within a secret hearing that I was not even present at to defend myself, and the resulting orders prevent me from going to my own home.
So now I’m homeless even though I own a home. Imagine if you did that to a woman – they would be marching in the streets about how unfair it is.
The last 3 months have put a financial strain on our relationship because COVID19 meant I could not work as much but I never thought my wife would stab me in the back like this, take the kids, and concoct a completely fabricated story about domestic abuse. I have supported her for more than 20 years during which she has never worked and always got to stay home and watch the kids grow up – which she loves to do.
The cops say I have a hearing coming up in a couple of days for the protection order matter where she doesn’t have to appear because the police took the protection order application out against me on her behalf.
What a rort, she doesn’t even have to appear at her own upcoming hearing and I was never told about the 1st one that (she attended and) created the aforementioned protection orders. I don’t know how the fu$K she managed to get a protection order against me because she hasn’t got a scratch on her and last night she started an argument and said a whole heap of derogatory things to me.
The cops, I guess, were just doing their job but you can tell they know she’s not an abuse victim, but hey what can they do she says both, that she’s scared of me and that I always hit the kids – which I never do.
On the way down to the police station the cops said to be ready for her to file an application for parenting orders at the federal circuit court. Aside from it being an attempt to take the kids from me permanently I don’t know what that or any of this means.
This shite has got to stop. This is crazy for a man to be put in this position where supporting your wife for 20 years means nothing if it looks like you might be hitting financial times and she may have to share some of the debt.
I can afford to stay at a hotel for about a week but after that I really need to get back to my home (particularly if she’s not living there) as that where I run my business from.
Another thing, I don’t know shite about the law and I am assuming I am going to need a lawyer so how do I safeguard against getting ripped off. I’ve had some friends that have been seriously fleeced dry by family lawyers once they have decided to divorce.
I live in Brisbane, I can afford to pay a lawyer some money (I’m not rich), I want to see my kids again soon, so any help/advice would be appreciated.
March 30, 2021 at 8:05 am #351
Corney & Lind are a reputable QLD legal firm. Here are there URL
If you need some legal advice/representation then I would give them a try. It usually costs nothing to go in and have an initial chat.. If that doesn’t work PM me and I’ll give you some more places to try.
There are several philosophies associated with responding to protection orders, ranging from giving into them by way of consent without admissions – through to defending them outright.
Consent without admissions is where you (the respondent) agree to the terms of the protection order (and will then have one against you) but you admit no liability at all to the allegations within them (made by the applicant mother). That then means that officially you can’t be held accountable for any of the claims the mother made that brought about the protection order in the first place.
A lot of men like consent without admissions as an option as it’s quick and easy and everybody gets to move on. But there are some downsides to it.
One problem with consent without admissions is that – even though you can’t officially be held accountable for any of the claims the mother made that brought about the protection order in the first place – the protection order itself, including some of its claims, often find their way into family reports that the Federal Circuit Court get their consultants to write up (to ascertain what the best parenting arrangement is), and these family reports heavily influence judges.
I have seen protection orders mentioned, within family reports, under the heading of “Family Violence” despite the fact that by the proper/legal definition consent without admissions means that no family violence was ever proven. What I am saying is that some ICL’s and family report writers have a tendency to treat consent without admission protection orders as if they are indicators of violence (when they’re not) and this represents one area of the courts that I believe needs to change, because as your matter progresses through the Federal Circuit Court what the family report writers say in their reports heavily influences the judges; including when they’re making decisions about how much time the children should spend with each parent.
So above I;
A) Mentioned there are several philosophies associated with responding to protection orders, ranging from giving into them by way of consent without admissions – through to defending them outright.
B) Explained some of the merits and pitfalls of consent without admissions as a response to your spouse’s protection order application.
The other option is to elect to defend the protection order matter which means after a lot of paperwork and argy bargy between your lawyers and hers you end up in a trial where she (the applicant) has to prove that she is a domestic abuse victim. This, in my opinion, is a good option if you know she’s lying. However, if her protection order application is contested by you (the respondent) a final order (resulting from the trial) can be made only if the Magistrate is content – on the balance of probabilities – that; (i) the alleged acts of domestic violence the applicant says have occurred, have really occurred; and (ii) that it is necessary and desirable for an order to be made.
The choice is one you have to make.
Go with consent without admissions and settle it early whilst running the risk that the protection order (in one jurisdiction) may taint the family reports that influence the judge (in another jurisdiction) – or defend the matter outright and see if she can prove – beyond the balance of probabilities – that she is a domestic abuse victim.
Defending the matter, particularly if she’s lying, has some advantages too because the balance of probabilities (standard) that someone was abused is a difficult standard to prove/achieve when/if they weren’t abused and simply can’t prove it. So defending the matter can ultimately favor the defending respondent (you) in both jurisdictions
Personally I have never like the idea of consent without admissions if it is clear to me that the other party can’t prove they’re abused. There’s acres of women out there pretending to be abused when all they’re doing is implementing a domestic abuse exit strategy. Plus if you win the protection order matter (by successfully defending it) that increases your chances to have equal time with the kids within the Federal Circuit Court parenting order matter.
As far as your accommodation is concerned;
A) You could – within the upcoming hearing – apply to move back into the premises for business/other reasons, particularly if your spouse plans not to stay there.
B) I have distributed your name on our internal email list to see if anyone has a spare room for a couple of weeks until you get yourself sorted. I will let you know how that goes on a daily basis.
March 31, 2021 at 8:18 pm #352
I SMS’d you my personal number yesterday. Could you please use it to contact me ASAP as I may have some temporary accommodation (someone from our member list whom has an old farmhouse) for you to stay at until you get back on your feet again.
It’s an old farmhouse about 45 minutes drive from the Brisbane CBD and it should suit you well provided you need no more than 3 bedrooms. Rent will have to be negotiated between you and the owner, whom has built a new house a few hundred meters from the house I’m talking about, but expect it to be reasonable and around $50/week. The house has hot water, electricity, good plumbing, and is in excellent condition.
As a special (unexpected) bonus the owner works in exactly the same trade as you so there may be some synergy there as well, as he is flat out and looking for help.
I’m looking forward to hearing from you mate.
March 31, 2021 at 8:36 pm #356
Mate . . . you’re a fricken legend.
Can’t thank you enough.
Slept at a motel last night with all my tools exposed in the car park. The beds were awful, I lay awake worrying all night, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience at all. At about 8.45pm I got an SMS from the ex-wife telling me I’ll never see the kids again.
Nice move on her part, but I will keep that for the court cases to show what is really going on, because as I understand it the kids have a right to see both parents.
I’ve already rung the owner of the house you kindly arranged for me and him and I are going to meet up today at lunch time.
I’m feeling a lot better already..
March 31, 2021 at 8:53 pm #357
Don’t worry about thanking me I like helping men out that are getting shafted by the Mrs. and the system, and I enjoy doing this stuff so men get a fair chance.
Just get yourself settled into the house and a place you can call home, set your business back up from there so your income is sorted, and then – as soon you can – go and get some good legal advice so you know where you stand.
Once you get some legal advice I think you will find things are not quite as bad as they seem, as she can’t continue to deny you access to the children both, without a good reason and one she can prove beyond the balance of probabilities. I doubt her SMS will look good in the eyes of the Judges either.
Whatever you (and this is critically important) do don’t respond to that message and/or her in any way.
At a guess I would say she is going to file an application for parenting orders at the federal circuit court and use her protection order filed at the magistrate court (that you have already been given; the document that kicked you out of your own house) as a means to bolster her federal circuit court application.
I still recommend Corney & Lind https://www.corneyandlind.com.au/ (they do excellent work for some of the best Barristers in town, have a high success rate, know family law like the back of their hand, and they will progress your case from a father’s perspective) – but that doesn’t mean you can’t use someone else if you’ve got someone else in mind.
Don’t worry about the terms I am using like “parenting orders at the federal circuit court”, “the balance of probabilities”, and “protection order filed at the magistrate court”, as whomever lawyer you choose to talk to will explain them to you, and they’re not that complex really.
Still, with that all said, if you need anything explained in the meantime just ask.
Good luck Johnathon.
Go and fight the good fight my friend and be prepared for a system that will, at times, be against you most of the way/time despite the fact that it is still beatable if you play your cards right.
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