September 17, 2021 at 12:24 am #492Rodney ChapsParticipant
I’m new here but have a big problem that I need help with.
My wife and I have not been getting on well over the last 3 months and to bring some normality to the situation I started staying at my brother’s house and left my wife and our 3 kids at our house.
When I first did it the situation was quite a relaxed one, where I could just rock up and see the kids for as long as I liked or take them to my brother’s house whenever.
Last Saturday I arrived at the house around 10am to see the kids and take our oldest boy to rugby training
My wife came to the door to meet me, and said didn’t you get the papers?
I had no idea what she was talking about and said “no, what papers”.
I went to come in and couldn’t as she had locked the fly-wire door. I said “why can’t I come in”.
She said hold on and walked off down the corridor.
Our neighbors on both sides were in the their front yards so I was cautious to directly address why I was locked out of my own home in case I made a scene.
Back came my wife, she opened the door and I though great I’m going to see the kids, instead she handed me a court document for parenting orders, spousal maintenance, and also divorce papers, as I went to step in.
I got one shoe into the house and she pressed on my shoulder to stop me and said you’re not coming in the house today. I said “what’s this?, where’s the kids, this is my house too” and she replied the kids are at mums house, you’re not seeing them today. In fact you’re not seeing them until we sort out parenting orders.
I said “you can’t stop me seeing the kids whether we are married or not”, and she said “it’s best this way until the court decides on what’s the best care arrangement for the kids”.
She then locked the fly-wire door so there was no way I could get in unless I wanted to make a fuss about it but I sensed if I did anything other than walk away she would probably have the police chase me down for AVO.
She then said I’m going to shut the front door now, please go and read the documents.
I got back to my brother’s house and read the documents and was basically using the fact that we hadn’t been living together for a while as a basis to show that she should keep the house and have all the kids live with her, with them possibly seeing me every fortnight provided I don’t drink and does an alcohol testing program. Also I must not drink if/when the kids are in my care.
I’m a welder and enjoy a few beers after work through the weekdays and also some on the weekend.
Her spousal maintenance claim basically says she is owed a large portion of the superannuation (more than $150K) as a lump sum payment immediately and weekly payments from me within the vicinity of $320.00.
If she get her spousal maintenance claim I will have to drastically change my lifestyle as that in addition to the standard child support she will get won’t leave very much left for me.
Her court documents basically describe me as an alcoholic father and say that is why she decided for me to move out. It was my idea to move to my brother’s house just to give us a break for a while and we both agreed that I would move back in after a couple of months.
I feel really betrayed about the whole thing. It’s like everything I’ve ever done for her doesn’t matter. To make it even more hypocritical she drinks a few glasses of wine most nights anyway.
In her court documents she also says that she doesn’t want me to come back in the house because she’s scared of what I might do. Even though I have never been and would not be domestically violent if I went back to the house to see the kids, I feel that comment in her court papers puts me in the position of risking a protection order if I go back to the house.
So here I am after supporting and raising a family with this woman over the last 20 years and it all comes down to her wanting everything the car, the house, the kids, maintenance, the lot. Her conduct is so disgraceful there are no words that adequately describe it.
This weekend I’m going to turn up at our eldest boy’s rugby training – I don’t care if she’s there or not – she can’t stop me from completely seeing the kids whilst no orders exist that say that. Is that right?
Any help or advice on what to do would be appreciated. I don’t want to end up being treated by the system as if I’m just another number and never get to see my kids regularly.
September 17, 2021 at 12:38 am #493Johnathon BanksParticipant
Sorry to hear about how disgraceful your missus is treating you.
There’s so much of this shit going around it’s not funny.
I am surprised she didn’t file for an AVO at the same time. That’s what a lot of women do if they want to get the upper hand in a federal circuit court matter. Then the family report writers and/or family consultants working at the federal circuit court tag you as a perpetrator of domestic violence even though the protection order may be temporary and not have reached a final conclusion, and even though your weren’t there to defend yourself in the initial protection order hearing.
The system is basically a dog’s breakfast.
At least you have your brother’s house to stay in.
Take care brother.
September 19, 2021 at 3:54 am #494Steven JimsesonParticipant
I’m no lawyer but it sounds like to me that your ex-partner has already seen a lawyer or gone to some kind of place that gives women support before, during, and after the split so that they know how to transition through separation/divorce and still have the lion’s share of what you both shared including the kids.
A quick glance at the documents will tell you whether a lawyer is on board or not, as there’s usually a place at the bottom or top of the court documents for parenting orders, spousal maintenance and divorce papers where there is a provision for the lawyer to state they’re on board.
Either way it probably doesn’t matter, as I would still say to you that you need to see a lawyer and get some good advice.
Don’t just see 1 lawyer, see several just to make sure you don’t end up with someone that’s just going to go through the motions for you and still charge like a wounded bull.
All the best,
September 19, 2021 at 4:24 am #495Rodney ChapsParticipant
Thanks for the support and well wishes Johnathon and Steve.
I guess, deep down, I really do know that I need to see a lawyer but I’m just afraid to start all that up because then I know I’m going to be forking out large sums of money on a monthly basis to a lawyer that I don’t even know.
I mean, I don’t know anyone that’s gone through what I am about to go through and come out the other side that has said “yeh, It was great, the lawyers weren’t expensive and my ex-missus didn’t get everything she was asking for”.
Also, how do you know if you have a good lawyer? How do you work that out from 1 initial consultation?
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